Howdy there, Scream Freaks! It’s your favorite animated horror hosts to the end, and we just got back from watchin’ the newest slap in the face from Hollywood, Child’s Play. We feel guilty supportin’ this unnecessary reboot with our hard earned tokens while the original series and its creators are still hard at work producin’ content starrin’ our favorite serial killin’ doll, but this is too weird of a parallel property struggle we had to witness.
See, the first Child’s Play flick was produced by MGM, and the rest of the series from Child’s Play 2 through Cult of Chucky were by Universal which is why you normally see a bunch of box sets missin’ the movie that started it all. So, while Universal keeps the money train rollin’ with non-stop sequels, MGM’s bear huggin’ a piece of that cash cow with their rights to the original. We guess with horror’s recent swing back into killer doll horror with the Annabelle movies and Chucky’s continuin’ success, MGM got the bright idea to get back in on the action with some legal loopholes that allows them to potentially spin their own parallel Chucky movie(s) based on the one flick they have rights to. Boggles the mind, we know, but in a world where everything’s got 20 versions of itself available at once with ’em all bein’ rehashed every couple of years, is it any real surprise?
Anyway, as legal as it may be (much to the dismay of Chucky creator Don Mancini), MGM must still be ‘fraid of potential lawsuits or somethin’, ’cause they decided to start at ground zero and loosely redo the original Child’s Play, nixin’ a lot of Mancini’s material to make their copyright version more their own so not to step on Universal’s toes or confuse simple minded fans which Chucky’s bein’ promoted. MGM guts all of the hoodoo voodoo that traps a foul mouth serial killer’s soul in a hunk of rubber, and replaces it with busted technology to explain a kid’s toy killin’ folks. This absolutely works for differentiatin’ the two franchises, but completely backfires as a movie bankin’ on fans wantin’ to see a Chucky movie.
The original series is such a guilty pleasure to watch ’cause Brad Dourif brings this manic energy to Chucky’s weirdo predicament as a pissed off psycho stuck in a Good Guy Doll, superchargin’ him with a humorously dark personality that’s one of the most developed ‘mong horror movie slashers. When you remove that human element, however, there’s nothin’ left but the gimmick, and that’s what happens with MGM’s artificial facelift of the icon.
‘stead of an off-color character fightin’ to be human ‘gain, Chucky’s now a busted robo-doll with a malfunctionin’ Siri for a brain that gets its wires crossed watchin’ kids laugh at Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and kills anyone who threatens its young owner’s happiness or their friendship. No self awareness, sinister undertones, vulgar commentary, gritty dialogue, desperate motivations . . . MGM reduced Chucky to a soulless piece of machinery that’s simply on the fritz like HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey thanks to a suicidal factory worker shippin’ the doll out with all its computer’s safety measures switched off. We were excited when news broke Mark Hamill was voicin’ this version of Chucky, knowin’ his years playin’ the Joker for numerous Batman cartoons could rival Dourif’s vocal stamp on the character, but even he wasn’t ‘nough to elevate Chucky -2.0. Not his fault, of course. He performed MGM’s flat version of Chucky accordingly and was only allowed a split second to slip some Joker in their at the very end.
Regardless of our criticisms, however, we did leave the theater with the opinion this is a good movie overall. Now, don’t misunderstand – it sucks balls as a Child’s Play movie, but has a decently strong ‘nough story that it really should have been its own thin’ with a new horror villain. Rather than slappin’ Chucky’s mug on this for a gaurantee pay day at the expense of his fans, the filmmakers should have themed this after one of them ro-bears at the end of the movie and made the movie a horror spin on Teddy Ruxpin ‘stead of the My Buddy doll.
We know y’all wanna read more of what we got to say ’bout this flick, but this blog’s gettin’ to be as long as a college essay, and we’ve gotta get back to animatin’ the next excitin’ episode of Screaming Soup!. But ’cause we care ’bout ya, here’s our bite-size review of the movie we posted in our R-Rated Review blog earlier this week!
CHILD’S PLAY (2019)
When Andy’s given a factory busted robo-doll named Chucky for his birthday, the toy’s malfunctionin’ iPhone for a brain copies what it sees in Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and assassinates anyone it sees as a threat to their artificial friendship. A reimaginin’ of the ’88 horror classic featurin’ a serial killer’s spirit trapped in a My Buddy spoof, this legal loophole of a film ixnays all the hoodoo voodoo in favor of technophobia with the killer ankle biter now written as a confused robot linked with surroundin’ devices it can sic on folks. I think this is a solid movie overall and should really be a vehicle for introductin’ an all new horror villain ‘stead of recyclin’ Chuck for an easy payday. Especially since this robo-Chucky is never self-aware, leavin’ it devoid of any personality or grit that made the original psycho-doll so much fun to watch. The only sour I have to bitch ’bout is the horrible castin’ regardin’ age range, ’cause Andy looks way too old for this toy, and the chemistry between him and his youthful lookin’ mama feels more like siblin’s than parent and child. Cat stranglin’, dissin’ palybacks, bone snappin’, wrong uses of the word “poetic,” stabbin’s, massacred heads, several E.T. nods, killer drones, self-drivin’ car wrecks, pervy maintenance guys, table saws up the crotch, robotic operations, gift-wrapped watermelon’s decorated with cheatin’ lovers’ faces, dead cats, hacked TV bashin’, killer doll vision, kidnapped milfs, fatal freefalls, extremely disgruntled factory workers, retail store massacres, doll lynch mobs, small armies of killer dolls, and Mark Hamill slips into Joker for the briefest second at the very end! 3/5!
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