Howdy there, Scream Freaks! You know, it’s rare for us to take a review of a more recent horror flick beyond the R-Rated Review blog, but we saw a movie this past weekend that we just got to vent about in more than a few snack size words! The 3rd American Ring flick’s just come out, and you wouldn’t believe all the bad decisions made in producin’ this repetitive bullshit!

To catch up anyone left out of the loop (or ring?), The Ring was a scary PG-13 flick about parents tryin’ to kill their adopted young’n, Samara, and tossin’ her ass down a well. Little do they know, her angry spirit magically captures these horrors on VHS and anyone who watches it without makin’ a copy and passin’ it around dies in 7 days when Samara nabs them through the TV. The first movie features a mother and son tryin’ to solve the mystery behind the horror, but they end up bein’ tricked by Samara and make things worse for everybody. Then in Ring 2, Samara ups the PG-13 ante with tryin’ to be reborn through the son from the first film, but is whipped one last time by his mama.

Now there’s the 3rd movie, Rings, which every fan hopes will expand and explore some new territory in the Ring mythos with a wild new story. Well, it does, but then it doesn’t, which left us with a bad case of storytellin’ blue balls. The story starts off promisin’ enough with a college professor pickin’ up chicks over trashed VCRs, and one of them happens to have a copy of Samara’s tape in it. We skip ahead in the time right after this discovery, and the professor has created this special study of the tape, testin’ Samara’s powers on college students wantin’ extra credit. At this point, we’re excited as hell, because we can finally answer some questions we’ve all had since the first movie. What happens if you only watch half the tape? What if you don’t answer Samara’s phone call? What happens if you strand yourself from any electronics and survive past 7 days? The possibilities were endless for where the movie could go!

But fuck no! The filmmakers ditch this story faster than witches avoid rain, and turn the majority of this flick into a rehash of the first 2 movies. The last girl gets royally fucked tryin’ to help end Samara’s sufferin’, and Samara once again plots her return through someone. Why? Why, why, why, why, why?!! The film starts with such an awesome idea and chickens out to merge the plots and twists from the first 2. The least they could have done is have somebody try to physically stop Samara in a more original way when she’s comin’ out the TV. Like when Samara takes forever crawlin’ out from a flipped over TV in a girl’s apartment. Rather than standin’ there waitin’ to die like an idiot, I would have had the chick try to trap her with a couch on top of the TV, or show fans what happens when somebody does the most realistic thing and simply run like hell!

Whew! We feel a lot better after that rant, Scream Freaks! So, to wrap this up, Rings is a decent 3/5 stand alone flick, but a real shitty sequel the filmmakers should be embarrassed by. Hopefully Rings‘ cliffhanger with Samara goin’ viral on the internet will be picked up and explored in any further films, especially since we thought that’s what this one was goin’ to be about!

Other than that, be sure to catch up on all past Screaming Soup! Seasons, check out this week’s Howl’n Hottie, read recent reviews for the newer horror films and comics we’re checkin’ out in our blogs, R-Rated Reviews and Sequential Slime, and help us get the word out about the web’s #1 animated horror host show! Please use our social buttons in the upper right corner of the site and follow our tweets, subscribe to our YouTube channel, like our Facebook, watch and share all our vids, and keep that fan mail coming.

Warm up some Screaming Soup! leftovers with reruns currently scheduled to play on Beta Max TV ( Sat. 2/18/17 @ 9pm EST) and Sluggo’s The Vortexx (Sun. 2/19/17 @ sometime after 9PM EST)!

If you need the hook-up with instant Troma and Full Moon movies, we’d suggest watching Troma’s films at Troma Now and their Youtube channel, and you can get full access to Full Moon’s catalog of work from their movies to their Videozone clips at Full Moon Streaming and their Amazon channel.

See ya later, Scream Freaks!


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