Howdy there, Scream Freaks! With the premier of Stephen King’s new It this week, we’ve been kickin’ our boots up and rewatchin’ some of our favorite slap happy flicks featurin’ horror’s scariest grease face slashers. We’ve obviously had our fill of annoyin’ ass-clowns with Buzzkill in past seasons, but luckily that experience hasn’t diminished our appreciation for the funnier side of fear. Here’s a quick rundown of clowns we think are worth the price of admission!
KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE (1988)
An interstellar circus tent lands near a small town and one loyal boyfriend with the help of his ice cream truckin’ buddies must save his girl and the rest of the townsfolk from bein’ turned into cotton candy spun snacks for hungry e.t. clowns. This is an instant classic from the ’80s every B-movie fan’s gotta see, because it’s burstin’ with awesome special effects, fun characters worth rootin’ for, and an all around fresh take on the all too familiar small town invasion story. Balloon bloodhounds, nabbed dogs, dangerous shadow puppets, sinister puppet shows, clown girls with bustin’ bosoms, corrosive pies, human puppet shows, giant clown tops, big ass dino-clowns, meltin’ security guards, popcorn guns, e.t. growin’ kernels, pizza delivery ambushes, body snatchin’ parades, ball prisons, compact clown cars, street fightin’ decapitations, and funny road rages! 5/5!
STITCHES (2012)
If Sam Raimi and Tim Burton worked together on a killer clown flick, this Irish horror would be it! After accidentally dying at a young kid’s birthday party, Stitches the clown returns from the grave 6 years later to complete his performance with some new deadly gags as the kids reunite for a high school house party. I cannot begin to describe how awesome this movie is! It’s kinetic, beautifully shot, has a memorable cast of characters, unforgettable kills, gore, new ideas I haven’t seen before, and lots of laugh out loud moments! Exploding heads, scooped brains, umbrella deaths, eye gouging, go-go gadget arms, victim seeking nose, ventriloquist corpses, peeping tree house toms, clown funerals, clown sex, eye eating, clown crypt, tricycle chases, eternal eggs, speeding clown cars, and decapitations! 5/5!
IT (1990)
30 years after defeatin’ a young’n killin’ clown that preyed on their fears like Freddy Krueger, a gang of childhood friends reunite for the final showdown when they hear their hometown’s supernatural terror has returned from the sewers. Amazingly, this iconic TV mini-series holds up after all these years, and that’s thanks to such a timeless story about friendship and childhood fears with a compellin’ cast easily makin’ you feel the terror of bein’ harassed by a sinister clown that’s really an alien . . . or a big ass spider . . . maybe a spotlight? Hell, it’s fear incarnate or some bullshit like that, but regardless, a great flick. Sewer clowns, asthma defenses, great drain escapes, clowns in the shower, kiss and make-up tricks, whore worthy moments, imaginary annoyances, light snacks, manipulated minions, crazy escape plans, stabbin’s, dead young’ns, talkin’ skeletons, bloody balloons, library gags, misfortune cookies, slingshot silver, mutilated bodies, wife nappin’, near death therapy, rub-a-dub suicides, talkin’ heads in a fridge, haggish daddy issues, live action scrap books, bloody sinks, and wolfman disguises! 4/5!
DRIVE THRU (2007)
A high school girl is stalked by a fast food mascot named Horny who’s the murderous reincarnation of a classmate her mom accidentally killed years before. A killer clown flick that deserves waaay more attention, this unsung horror has a solid story, slick cinematography, and a sequel worthy killer with a memorable look. Ball pit terror, drive thru ambushes, haunted house ambushes, heads in microwaves, hung classmates, meat cleaver hackin’, possessions, human matchsticks, séances, stabbin’s, decapitations, and dead surprise parties! 4/5!
KILLJOY 3 (2010)
The game changin’ sequel that turns the Killjoy series around for the better, Full Moon’s demonic slasher is trapped in a magic mirror with his newly created hench clowns and preys on a gang of unsuspectin’ college students whose souls will help him escape. This is Killjoy at his best with a near flawless story, smart victims, memorable kills, and unforgettable villains. Invisible Siamese mimes, body painted succubae, boxin’ mad clown bums, magical forcefields, insta-hench recipes, adventures in house sittin’, dark funny romances, fart gags, flesh eatin’ feasts, decapitations, eye gougin’, face rippin’, ghost kids, name callin’, and humorous rituals! 4/5!
There you have it, Scream Freaks! Our top picks for killer clown flicks sure to tickle your twisted funnybone. Obviously there’s a lot more silly slashers out there you might think are missin’ from this list, but these are the sickos we think stay funny no matter how many times you watch them. Who’s at the top of your evil jester list? Or better yet, what’s the worst killer clown movie you’ve ever seen and need to warn everyone to avoid? We want to know!
In the meantime, be sure to catch up on all past Screaming Soup! Seasons, check out this week’s Howl’n Hottie, read recent reviews for the newer horror films and comics we’re checkin’ out in our blogs, R-Rated Reviews and Sequential Slime, and help us get the word out about the web’s #1 animated horror host show! Please use our social buttons in the upper right corner of the site and follow our tweets, subscribe to our YouTube channel, like our Facebook, watch and share all our vids, and keep that fan mail coming.
Warm up some Screaming Soup! leftovers with reruns currently playin’ on Beta Max TV and Sluggo’s The Vortexx!
If you need the hook-up with instant Troma and Full Moon movies, we’d suggest watching Troma’s films for free on their Youtube channel, and you can get full access to Full Moon’s catalog of work from their movies to their Videozone clips at Full Moon Streaming and their Amazon channel.
See ya later, Scream Freaks!
Screaming Soup! 