K – R-Rated Reviews

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So, we can’t animate fast enough to give you Scream Freaks full blown reviews of all the horror movies we’ve been watching lately, but we can give ya our straight shoot’n thoughts in bite size chunks. We like to think you trust our opinions, but remember, we’re fans of Killer Tomato movies!

Look up a review: # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


In this mini-TV movie, the vengeful ghost of a dead pledge is killin’ girls left and right at a sorority house, and it’s up to a handful of new pledges to figure out what’s goin’ on ‘fore they end up just as dead. A tongue-in-cheek horror comedy, my biggest gripe with this sucker is its over the top jokes failin’ to stick the landings, and the story feelin’ rushed to the point of throwin’ me off what agendas each character has due to all the flimsy set-ups. Basically watches like a sad man’s knock off of the Scream Queens TV show. Chests punctured with high heels, splatter showers, near fatal freefalls, electrocutions, fatal hazin’, possessions, multiple knives to the torso, bunk bed crushin’ deaths, impaled heads, and decapitatin’ windows! 3/5!

KARMA (2018)

What comes ’round sorta goes ’round as a strugglin’ husband is cursed by a bad luck ghost or somethin’ that takes everythin’ away from him after he’s forced to evict an unfortunate family from their home. Kind of a diet version of Drag Me to Hell for Syfy, this ain’t a bad watch but ain’t the most entertainin’ flick either. The escalation of danger drags, the endin’ is pretty abrupt, the villain’s actions at the end lack convincin’ motivation, and the only memorable thing in it is the table saw death! Kung-fu wire stunts galore, karma-vision, hit and runs, fatal freefalls on table saws, stabbin’s, electrocutions, and hot wax to the eyes! 2/5! 


When construction workers try levelin’ a meteorite on a remote island off the coast of Africa, an alien energy possesses their bulldozer and stalks them in the name of mindless murder. A TV movie of the week, this cheap quickie (runnin’ just a hair over an hour) offers a decent plot with a respectable ensemble of ol’ school actors, but could really benefit from a more interestin’ landscape to demolish while huntin’ folks. Men crushed in pipes, explosions, radiation poisonin’, jeeps versus killdozers, paper mache asteroids spinnin’ toward cartoony Earth models, and heavy duty machinery sentenced to death by electrocution! 3/5! 


Sheriff C. Thomas Howell finds himself in a loose Jaws rip-off when he’s gotta rescue his nowhere town from a roamin’ swarm of killer CG bees threatenin’ the annual honey fest the mayor refuses to cancel. This TV-flick ain’t terrible, but it ain’t great either, and that’s mainly because the escalation of danger really drags its feet with the bodies droppin’ few and far between ’til the fake lookin’ buggers finally attack the festival in the final reel. But at least there’s plenty of TV family drama filler to entertain us . . . blech! Clueless migrants, destructive teens, dead coots, hilarious ol’ lady freak-outs, bee lovin’ ladies with MS who look like they get off on bein’ stung, dopey deputies, angry farmers, African killer bee swallowin’, festival chaos, confusin’ bug carcasses galore, and cars flooded with bees! 3/5!

yeyeTHE KILLER EYE (1999)

In this unexpected tentacle porn thriller, a giant crawling eyeball from the 8th dimension breaks into our world thanks to a crackpot scientist’s contraption and sexually assaults everyone in the doc’s building to breed its plan for world domination. It seems too silly to work as well as it does, but this camp erotica flick surprisingly entertains for the most part. The eyeball love scenes run a little long, and you can’t help but laugh at the actresses improvising with such a limited beachball prop, but the acting’s good, story’s fun, and it’s certainly something to add to your “what the fuck” horror list. Spontaneous cast members, softcore eyeball porn, shower scenes, frustrating 3 ways, eyeball lasers, interdimensional jumping, nipple zapping, eyeball rape, a topless Jacqueline Lovell, men caressing their chests, drug dinners, and prego twist endings. 3/5!


Jenna invites her raunchy friends to help decorate her mom’s house for Halloween and piss off a crystal ball security system that manifests the Killer Eye as its ultimate defense against booze, boobs, and boogie dancin’! A very meta approach, it’s not entirely clear whether or not this Killer Eye is “THE” Killer Eye returning for more rape and interdimensional domination or just a supernatural weapon created by the crystal ball after observing the girls ridiculing a copy of the first Killer Eye movie like MST3K amateurs. Regardless, a overall fun movie that just needed more escalating danger with the girls figuring out what’s up and fighting the eye together. Motorboatin’ crystal balls, lots of recognizable Full Moon props, lesbo make-out sessions, hypnotic suggestions, oral fixations, dancin’, party crashers, and eye bashings! 3/5!


In this humorous Syfy original, a ghost town’s high school reunion is ruined when some poor sap throws on a cursed mascot costume and tears through the party as a giant warthog monster. For a TV flick that’s stylishly lit like a gender reveal party, this is a pretty sweet little movie full of blood gushin’ effects and entertainin’ high school rivals who help break-up the monster’s repetitive attacks. Only real sour for me is the one note monster constantly flip floppin’ from cool to campy lookin’ and not bein’ dropped in enough differin’ situations to make things more interestin’. Cheerleadin’ archers, decapitations, exploratory slo-mo slaughters, bloodbaths, cursed warthog skins, monstrous transformations offscreen, gouged eyes, trampled seniors, lobster bait, football field showdowns, bleachers of the dead, stabbin’s, and impaled hands! 3/5!  


An interstellar circus tent lands near a small town and one loyal boyfriend with the help of his ice cream truckin’ buddies must save his girl and the rest of the townsfolk from bein’ turned into cotton candy spun snacks for hungry e.t. clowns. This is an instant classic from the ’80s every B-movie fan’s gotta see, because it’s burstin’ with awesome special effects, fun characters worth rootin’ for, and an all around fresh take on the all too familiar small town invasion story. Balloon bloodhounds, nabbed dogs, dangerous shadow puppets, sinister puppet shows, clown girls with bustin’ bosoms, corrosive pies, human puppet shows, giant clown tops, big ass dino-clowns, meltin’ security guards, popcorn guns, e.t. growin’ kernels, pizza delivery ambushes, body snatchin’ parades, ball prisons, compact clown cars, street fightin’ decapitations, and funny road rages! 5/5! 

zkillernerdKILLER NERD (1991)

After Harold Kunkle is beaten and humiliated while tryin’ to pick up chicks at the club with his spiffy new look, it’s no more Mr. Nice Nerd! Mentally unhinged, Harold’s suppressed frustration as a social pariah erupts, and he takes it out on everyone who’s ever wronged him for bein’ a slow talkin’, four-eyed dweeb. This is a home made, Troma acquired flick made on the cheap, but Craven help me, I like it! The characters are quirky but entertaining, the cinematography has merit, and there’s some memorable gore. The only thing worth bitchin’ about is how long it takes for the movie to live up to its title! Baby role-playing, draino drinks, butcher knives to the face, decapitated heads, cut faces, self help tapes to bein’ a ladies man, dancin’ nerds, nerd battle cries, dick jokes, acid meltin’ faces, and a great endin’ with hats made of dynamite! 3/5!


Still on the loose and haunted by the victims of his killin’ spree last movie, Harold hits a suicidal low until he meets Thelma, a like-minded high school nerd willin’ to jump between the sheets with him. All’s well and romantic until they’re harshly ridiculed by Thelma’s class bullies at a house party, triggerin’ the awkward couple to double team slashin’ their tormentors! There’s some bad bimbo actin’, and the story doesn’t really develop Harold any, but this is still an impressively well made film that makes me wanna see what these filmmakers can do with a real budget. Dicks bitten off, spit in nerds’ faces, Emily Dickinson fanfare, Psycho nods, rub-a-dub deaths, death beds, flyin’ firewood, boobs in the shower, electrocutions, necromance, butchered haircuts, axes to the face, mental ghosts, impalements, stabbin’s, and a hilariously unforgettable scene with Thelma threatenin’ to pee on her victim! 3/5!

ztongKILLER TONGUE (1996)

Best foreign/sci-fi/prison/romance/horror film I’ve ever seen! A bodacious babe’s pretty face gets invaded by an alien tongue that turns her dogs into flamboyant slaves and makes splatter gore-mets out of the nutty sounding locals. Plenty of original sex acts including the alien tongue fucking its host while still attached to her mouth, lots of zany action, and a satisfactory amount of Robert Englund and Doug Bradley throughout the film. Not for the homophobic, and nothing to see for boob enthusiasts.  4/5!


Someone’s stalkin’ and slashin’ the hardbodies of a popular health club with a gag size safety pin, and the police have too many suspects to investigate before more gym rats pay the ultimate price for bein’ beautiful. This is what Jamie Lee Curtis’ sexy sweatin’ classic Perfect should have been, Scream Freaks! While this is a cheap exer-ploitation of the ’80’s fitness boom with gratuitous scenes of ladies gyrating their assets with hollow punctuations of horror, it still gets high scores from me for a plentiful amount of eye candy, a bitchin’ soundtrack, and an unexpected twist I think is different. Only things that really hurt the movie are the lack of a central character to experience the story through and feelin’ like the movie ends more than once with a longwinded cop scene that should have been cut. Face bashin’, sabotaged weights, stabbin’s, firetrap tannin’ booths, aerobics galore, superhero sportswear, Porsches, topless homicidal dreams, burned boobs, dumb cop moves, cannonball escapes through windows, shootouts, Mustangs vs guns, boobs in the shower, and a muscle bound fist fight that’s almost in the same class as the street brawl in They Live3/5!


After his witchy lover accidentally botches a resurrection spell and traps his murderous soul in a Christmas tree, Clayton Slayter uses his newfound powers as a Yuletide decoration to crash a Christmas Eve party and exact revenge on the girl responsible fer sendin’ him to the hot seat. While this sucker should be as fun as watchin’ the killer snowman in Jack Frost, it unfortunately spends most its runtime hangin’ out with a forgettable she-pack of gals exposition dumpin’ their clunky backstories over alotta lazy camerawork. The filmmakers probably felt they needed to skirt the killer tree scenes ’cause of all the cheesefest CGI and one note kills, but Clayton proves to be the movie’s most compellin’ character I wanna watch after seein’ him lose his loyal arm candy in the first reel. Fatal impalin’ with branches, extend-o limbs, stranglin’ with Christmas lights, throat slittin’, home invadin’ flashback kills, accidental slayin’s, neck wound pokin’, bafflin’ mulligans, and magical tree on tree violence! 3/5! 


Killjoy the demonic clown returns for another wild sequel, and this time he’s struggling with making a living as a half-mortal hosting a late night talk show with his posy of evil clowns. But if buzzed sponsors, obnoxious guests, and raunchy clown romances aren’t enough to deal with, he’s also got psychos from Hell gunnin’ for him in a city destroyin’ spaceship! My favorite series from Full Moon, I’m always impressed with how each Killjoy sequel dares to go in entirely different directions from previous installments and be bigger and crazier than before. Clown porn, laser shoot outs, cream pie suicides, electric chairs, log jammers, meta interviews, space warfare, Flash Gordon nods, baby makin’, demonic councils, Ebee camoes, Gingerdead Man 2 nods, magic mirrors, Independence Day nods, Paris explosions, Iron Man CGI, and Mortal Kombat nods! 4/5!


When a scientist’s hospitalized mama asks him to destroy her secret experiments at his childhood home, little does he or his helpin’ friends know she created a squid boy with his DNA in the basement who’s lookin’ for his next meal. A bit of a slowburn, the actin’s good and the special effects are great, but I have a gripe with the evil Arcane-kinda scientist in the background who’s motives for stealin’ the secrets to creatin’ a race of squid folk never really makes sense. Even more confusin’ is what exactly his spy got into that mutates her into a gill woman by the end. Car flippin’, car wrecks, backseat beasts, bottled beastoid babies, lullabies for monsters, maintenance man murders, dead dogs, monstrous transformations, and explosions! 3/5! 


After a Bond villain wannabe’s plans for minin’ a world conquerin’ power source with a robot doppleganger of King Kong flops hard at the North Pole, he resorts to Plan B, and bends the mind of the real deal to finish the job while entertainin’ captive UN agents on a mission to save the big ape ‘fore he and his robo-twin slap fight atop the Tokyo Tower. Campy spy antics with comical rubber monster suit brawlin’, this kaiju flick is just silly fun without bein’ stupid or borin’. While I can accept all the charmingly cheesy miniature effects and mismatched blue screen gags given filmmakin’s limitations at the time this was made, I can’t forgive how Kong looks like a paper mache turd smeared into a shag carpet. Surely more care could’ve been put into sculptin’ his goofy mug, but it does add to the absurd humor of the film like the captured UN agents bitchin’ ’bout bein’ horribly tortured with nightcaps and multiple opportunities to defect. Hover crafts, sea snake beat downs, fatal jaw poppin’, dino street fightin’, geezer deaths, hypno rays, sub rockin’ flirts, explosions galore, fatal freefalls, swimmin’ monkeys, bullets to the chest, sub zero torturin’, and speedy robot productions! 3/5! 


After a pharmaceutical company with a TV station kidnaps Kong from his island kingdom to be its new company mascot, the big ape gets loose in Japan and aimlessly wanders ’round ’til he crosses paths with one of Godzilla’s destructive strolls for an uphill street brawl. Seein’ the heavily re-edited American cut from Universal, this flick is a dumpster fire of a narrative mess. The story’s as thin as they come, there’s pointless subplots without any context, the repetitive Godzilla belch grates my last shred of tolerance, and a buncha hacked out scenes are lazily replaced with lame ass space station broadcasts featurin’ cardboard actors forcin’ what little plot there is ‘long from a church rec room. Significant ‘nough to watch at least once, but this rubber monster mash-up is ’bout as awful as they come. Flyin’ monkeys, Kong airdrop, voltage eatin’, longwinded tribal diddies, brown face galore, train wrecks, lightin’ power boosts, super growth berries, roofied apes, iceberg bustin’, explodin’ rafts, crushed buildin’s galore, submarine action, big ass octopus fights, boulder throwin’, atomic breath blasts, and big bad booby traps! 2/5!

THE KISS (1988)

Some kinda voodoo parasite turned super model has been cheatin’ death by jumpin’ from one flesh bag to the next within the same family lineage, but when it tries lockin’ lips with its current host’s niece fer a new lease on life, it’ll take every bit of hoodoo it knows ‘long with a rabid muppet to possess the suspicious teen. A top-notch monster movie, this fast paced flick is a sweet mix of familiar themes from tribal curses to homewreckin’ seductresses with plenty of fun surprises ‘long the way like the parasite’s crazed lookin’ cat. There’s a couple of set-ups with no payoffs, but nothin’ that distracts from the overall enjoyment of this nutty story that culminates in one of the most outrageous endin’s that had me shoutin’ at the screen in disbelief! Bullets to the head, human roadkill, impressive car wrecks, severed legs, broken families, pulsatin’ medical dummies, ambushes from Aunt Flow, hedgetrimmers through the chest, bad skin complexions, topless voodoo rituals, young’n stranglin’, bangin’ with boobs, arm breakin’ bangin’, bafflin’ rescues from the pool, questionable propane fires, escalator strangulation, and birthday cake boyfriends! 4/5!


KISS, the legendary rock band whose music I never thought matched their over the top appearance, plays a weekend gig at a theme park where they have to clear their names of vandalism they’re framed for by a disgruntled glam-rock hatin’ inventor who creates an army of monstrous chop-sockey androids to stick it to his employer for cannin’ him. One of the most popular TV movies of all time accordin’ to metal heads, this Hanna-Barbera produced flick ain’t a bad watch and plays just like a live-action cartoon full of special effects, fights right of a comic book, and kid friendly tunes. Only sour for me is how it takes 30 minutes to finally introduce KISS, and there’s a whole subplot with these brainwashed punks in the park I think is forgotten without any resolution. Magical talismans, laser cages, martial art androids, army of robotic wolfmen, chamber of universal monsters on the fritz, silly stunt wire action, laser eyes, teleportation, fire breathin’ demons, concerts, evil KISS doppelgangers, brainwashed yahoos, and mad scientists! 4/5!


While sellin’ knife sets door-to-door, a young gang of newbie salesmen bug the wrong house and find themselves trapped with a deluded ex-cop who’ll kill anybody he thinks is comin’ ‘tween him and his shut-in of a basket case daughter. A fun flick infused with ‘nough seriousness fer me to not wanna see its likeably goofy characters get hurt, the filmmakers do a fantastic job deliverin’ a sharp lookin’ production full of wit and charm with a formidable cast of youths holdin’ their own ‘gainst one of Kane Hodder’s most memorable performances as the overprotective psycho. Only sours here are the repetitive tours through Kane’s house which makes the scenery feel old real quick, and the bafflin’ twist in the third act when the salesgirl randomly has an identity crises that results in a pretty ridiculous endin’. Fatal freefalls, throat slittin’, power tooled genitals, head stabbin’, home invasions, identity crises, chimney torture chambers, sneakin’ ’round galore, creepy dad love, and ‘lotta knife fightin’! 3/5! 


Motivated by a shared vision of doomsday, four strangers hogtie a gay couple vacationin’ at a remote cabin and do their best to convince one of ’em to sacrifice himself to prevent the end of days as apocalyptic events unfold on TV with each kidnapper’s supposedly prophetic death. A pretty straight forward end of days flick without any surprisin’ twists or turns, this ain’t one of director M. Night Shyamalan’s best. While there’s technically an escalation of pendin’ doom worldwide, there ain’t alotta tension once it’s established the home invadin’ fanatics are forbidden to hurt the couple and then systematically kill themselves without hesitation. Things would be waaay more suspenseful if there was a desperate wildcard ‘mong the strangers while the plaques hit closer to their location sooner, but the best the filmmakers can do is make us doubt the holy mission fer a mere second when it’s revealed the couple share a backstory with one of their captors that goes absolutely nowhere. Window smashin’, head injuries, bullets to the chest, head smashin’, tsunamis, fallin’ planes, earthquakes, throat slittin’, pandemic diseases, fires, and lightnin’! 3/5! 


In this latest reboot that monkeys with Kong’s origin story to add him to the newly established MonsterVerse, the United States government takes a break from ‘Nam to fly a buncha soldiers to the recently discovered Skull Island for a reconnaissance mission, but Kong kills the majority of these unlucky stiffs the second they arrive, leavin’ a few rattled survivors to fight their way off the island through nightmarish creatures. Arguably the best King Kong flick that stomps outside the usual sideshow attraction plot that ends in freefallin’ death, Skull Island‘s plot may be thin with alotta one dimensional characters runnin’ ’round, but dammit, I get my money’s worth when it comes to the abundance of brutal monster brawlin’. It’s some of the best CGI fight sequences I’ve EVER seen with clean, easy to follow blow by blows explodin’ in magnificent colors resemblin’ a Frank Frazetta piece come to life. Perfect contrast to the graphically violent situations these poor saps hike through with each fella’s pendin’ doom keepin’ me on the edge of my bar stool. Helicopter smashin’ galore, dogfightin’ in the sky, planes turned boats, explosions galore, gassy fireballs, fellas ripped apart in midair, pteradactyl lookin’ birds, big ass yaks, tribal art shows, monster mashin’ galore, man size meals, lakes of fire, Ozzy blastin’ entrances, hand cuttin’, nods to Cannibal Holocaust, big ass spiders, kitana swingin’, monkey graveyards, big ass squid lunch, log bugs, and a typical Samual Jackson death! 4/5!

z11KRAMPUS (2015)

When a family loses the Christmas spirit, their neighborhood’s shut down by Krampus who invades each and every home with an army of monstrous minions to punish the naughty. The best Krampus movie by-far, this hits all the right notes from the humor to the fear,  giving off a very Spielberg vibe. Great story, loveable cast, awesome monsters, disturbing scenes . . . we think Krampus looks too much like a deformed wizard but eh – can’t have everything we guess. Jack in the Box monsters eatin’ youngn’s, teethy teddy bears, deadly gingerbread men, tribal elves, blizzards, hellholes, stop-motion flashbacks, wise grannies, killer tinker bots, youngn’s yanked up chimneys, eerie snowmen, dogs in the AC ducts, and forgivable mulligans! 5/5!


Krampus is back, and Santa’s making sure he punishes each and every misbehaving brat in Smalltown, USA before their Christmas to dismember is totally dropped for a cops and crooks drama in this backyard shot flick. Seriously, this sequel to a shitty movie starts off with a lot of promise as kids are bagged and beaten by Krampus, but abandons monsters and the holidays halfway through for some barely relevant story about a gang gunning for a cop from the first movie. What the fuck were they thinking?! Abandon house beers, beard yankin’, stabbings, chest carvings, baldy transformations, home invasions, kidnappings, whippin’s, young’ns in cages, head shots, and crook cleavage! 2/5!


A World War 1 soldier’s spoil of war becomes his wife’s burden as she inherits a spell book for summonin’ Krampus, unleashin’ Christmas carnage at the orphanage she works at when curious young’ns dick ’round with its passages. I’m gonna warn ya right now, there’s barely any Krampus in this sucker! After a snooze worthy hour of Ruin My Lifetime drama with widows, orphans, and nuns, Krampus is FINALLY summoned and seen the last third of the flick, but just barely with most if not all his action happenin’ off screen with only the sudden aftermath of dead bodies cluin’ me in to what happened. This flop has all the ingredients for bein’ a good movie, but it’s soured by its lack of Krampus, energy, Christmas, and the sound quality sucks too. Peepin’ toms, World War 1 battles, shnookered priests, practicin’ alchemists, interdimensional Krampuses, jump cut massacres, incantations, bullies, and mean girls! 2/5! 

zkrampunleasKRAMPUS UNLEASHED (2016)

A family reunites at grandpa’s desert home for Christmas, and the kids accidentally find a summoning stone that unleashes Krampus to tear them limb from naughty limb. Nice effort, but this film leaves a lot to be desired. The backstory is a little convoluted, there’s zip character development, and the Krampus looks good but the filmmakers put zero effort into him as a character from his Michael Myers walk to his uncreative kills. Fat smart-ass youngn’s, trailer trash Big Foot hunters, boobs in the hot tub, vehicular deaths, disembowelments, worst search and rescues ever caught on celluloid, father son bonding over moonshine, stooges head smashing, wild west legends, and explosive cave-ins! 3/5!

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